Petition: To have Brooklyn Parents Arrested For Bringing Their Children Out

Hi.  I haven’t posted here in a while.  Instead I’ve been mostly just reblogging links to my hilarious podcast.  Seriously, check it out.  It’s not your standard “nasally voiced white person acts opinionated about things” podcast.  It’s a serialized radio-drama/absurdist comedy.  Anyway, back to the post:


For the past 8 years, a small theater troupe in Brooklyn has been putting on an absolutely delightful word-for-word, gesture-for-gesture rendition of A Charlie Brown Christmas. There’s a live jazz-trio doing a commendable take on the Guaraldi score. The actors move in hilariously jerky, artificial ways to replicate that of the 1965 animation. The first few years, they held this at an old, defunct firehouse space in Park Slope that has been torn down. Since, they’ve been doing various studio/warehouse spaces around Gowanus, pop-up style. My ex girlfriend introduced it to me but we broke up after she told me she thought she might eventually want kids and I told her no because children are filthy and the planet is dying. They sell beer and hot chocolate. The sets are simple and familiar(Snoopy’s house, the Psychiatrist Booth, etc). It’s a charming little blend of whimsy and nostalgia that has pretty dependably gotten me into the holiday spirit, even if I sort of zone out a little bit when Linus goes on his zealot monologue in the third act.

But the hip and pasty parents that drag their broods to this thing need to be vetted more carefully. This isn’t some free-to-attend 50’s doo-wop night down at the town bandshell. This costs twelve American dollars and the pedigree of the audience needs to reflect this.

Now, most of the children are respectful. They lean forward reverently when Charlie Brown explains his seasonal depression. They bop their heads(slightly off-rhythm) to the rolling bass and hi-hats of “Christmas Is Coming”. The lower brow ones will laugh when Snoopy does something funny or when Pig Pen smacks his coat and dust poofs out of it. This is fine. I’m talking about the almost-newborns, clueless, doped up on flax-heavy breast milk, and not interested in anything aside from gurgling loudly or screaming. I don’t blame them. Babies cry. It’s not their fault that mom and dad are patently awful. Just like it’s not their fault that they were conceived to side-two of “Frampton Comes Alive”, which was put on ironically, probably. But this is not for them. If you can’t get down solid food or if you can’t, like, exist without some guttural sound coming out of you involuntarily, you probably won’t appreciate anything going on in A Charlie Brown’s Christmas, in any of its incarnations. The parents know this. They don’t care. Dad’s head is still back with the old bedroom-pop band. Mom is still thinking about the transcendent still life she did in college. They tortured a restaurant staff at brunch and they’re going to see how long they could ride this out. And they’re going to keep doing it until someone stops them.

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Talkin’ ‘Bout Turtle – S03E09 – Vegas Baby, Vegas!

New Talkin’ Bout Turtle episode is up! We take the show to some surreal and terrifying places with this one. David Lynch better watch his back!

Synopsis: Andrew struggles to navigate a strange place with a new name. The origins of Milk Baby are explored.


Source: Talkin’ ‘Bout Turtle – S03E09 – Vegas Baby, Vegas!

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Talkin’ ‘Bout Turtle – S03E08 – “The Release”

Special Agent Budweiser comes to town and reveals some strange proclivities. Judge Justice  gets an unexpected guest in his courtroom. Devilberg  collects on some old debts. Erik realizes that his guilt over Andrew’s murder is only the beginning of his problems.

All this and more on the HIGHEST OCTANE Talkin’ Bout Turtle yet!

Source: Talkin’ ‘Bout Turtle – S03E08 – “The Release”

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Episode 33 – A Christmas Carol

It’s a CHRISTMAS miraC[ARO]Le!

Following his brutal murder of Andrew, a feral and frightened Erik is on the run from the police, Milk Nerd security personnel and his own demons in a very special, guest-filled TBT Christmas episode*

*If you dig our story weirdness, hunker down because there’s no Entourage discussion at all in this one. Our gift to you.

Source: Episode 33 – A Christmas Carol

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Episode 32 -S03E07 – “Strange Days”

When Erik goes rogue, Andrew uses the considerable Milk Nerd resources to try to contain the situation, bringing both men into stark confrontation with their past and uncertain future.

Sometimes cornered animals are the most dangerous.

Source: Episode 32 -S03E07 – “Strange Days”

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Episode 30 – S03E05 – “Crash and Burn”

Erik plans an elaborate heist on the Milk Nerd offices to retrieve valuable evidence for the impending trial. He reaches out to rival/scoundrel/heist-man/Canadian Danny Stearns for assistance. Andrew makes an uneasy truce but proves a serious liability.

Source: Episode 30 – S03E05 – “Crash and Burn”

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Episode 29 – S03E04 – “Guys and Doll”

With the trial mere weeks away, Erik goes behind Andrew‘s back for a consultation with high-powered podcast attorney Justin James-Patterson(Real Good Show). Andrew comes face to face with an old rival, triggering an *electrifying* look into his backstory. Erik watches an interesting film about balloons then becomes out of breath and makes a mess for unrelated reasons.

Source: Episode 29 – S03E04 – “Guys and Doll”

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